Woke up at six this morning from a bad dream. I had received a text message from a guy I'm interested in telling me he was no longer interested in me. It read something along the lines of More Leo drama, read about (or found out about) what you're doing. something something You can keep it to yourself I won't have anything to do with it (you). The strangest part, other than I'm not up to anything!, was that the text was in text speak. But I really don't like starting the day with my subconscious playing on my fears by trying to convince me this guy isn't interested. I'm doing that well enough all on my own, thank you very much.

Damn dream.

Had dance last night and it was very tiring. Got to make sure to eat before hand no matter what. I thought working hard in dance would make me feeling better after the conversations I had with TC yesterday but that wasn't the case. Came home as bummed as when I left work and couldn't get myself to be happy for him with the little ray of sunshine I offered. Hopefully today will be better. I have got to get to the grocery! Looking forward to my Curves workout.

I finished the video game Silent Hill: Shattered Memories last night. First off, it was a much shorter game than I was expecting. I played it very spread out but it's a game you could get through in an entire day of gaming. But Chris, who got me to play the game to begin with, said everything would make sense once I reached the end. I'm not so sure everything does make sense even though I know the ending and how the game is set up. You go through this whole game playing the dad, Harry, who is searching for his daughter, Cheryl. At the end it's revealed that all of the psychologist scenes (the sarcastic, patronizing, condescending mother fucker) you are actually playing as Cheryl and Harry has been dead for 18 years. That just doesn't make sense to me! Harry's ghost has suddenly materialized out of nowhere and is interacting with few people you come across in the town of Silent Hill? And how would Cheryl be relating these adventures to the psych anyway? She's just making it up as she goes? The whole thing doesn't make sense. You lied Chris!!! But it was still a fun game to play because how the game changes to your playing style. I'd actually like to give it a few more go arounds and see what is different each time, also see if I get the same psych eval at the end, so I'll have to hunt up a used copy of the game to purchase.

That was the first time in many many years that I played a video game to the end. I can't tell if I'm let down that it's done or feel good I finished the game.

I am so behind on writing on things on my mind. Guess I will just keep trying to keep up with current thoughts. It would be easier if I did less, but I don't try to do as much as I do, it just seems to happen. It's so unusual to me how my days and non-work time just fills up without my even noticing, my life has never been like that before.

I went down to San Antonio this weekend to check out the city as I have an inkling about moving there in a couple years but we'll see. Kelly and her husband were kind enough to be my hosts for the weekend. Kelly was also awesome enough to drive me around on Saturday as we checked out various neighborhoods for residence and then took me out on a quick jaunt to the Hill Country west of SA. It was so beautiful up there and it reminded me a lot of being in the Appalachians. Now the distance between the peaks and valleys weren't comparable of course, but there are places in the Appalachians of NC where the valleys don't go all the way down so you have peaks and shallow lows. That's what the Hill Country was like. I liked how sparsely populated it was, liked how there was no commercial and industrial areas. Just nature. I came away with a list of apartments and neighborhoods to specifically look up at my leisure.

Sunday found myself and Kelly in downtown at the Riverwalk and the Alamo. Sadly I know very little about the history of the battle and siege at the Alamo but I still enjoyed the walk around the building and grounds. It was pretty crowded there, unsurprisingly. Enjoyed walking the Riverwalk and took some photographs. I won't get a chance to check them out until Saturday though - that whole problem with my days filling up. I'm badly out of practice with taking photographs so I'm sure these won't be as good as I'm hoping but I hope they are still an improvement over what I've been shooting lately. At least I got in plenty of exercise walking around!

I got to spend the evening last night with Larry and it was better than I could have hoped. It was wonderful to talk about so many things. I feel I wasn't the wittiest of company for the night as I got only a bit over half of the sleep I normally do the previous two nights. I hope he wasn't too bored or put off with my minimal input. Silly girl. But it was just a fabulous, wonderful, charming, phenomenal, pleasant evening, but sadly as we've all heard, all good things must come to an end.

The drive down and back were both full of traffic but the drive back home was worse. 275 miles in 6 hours; that's averaging only 45 miles an hour. It was terrible. And I was soooo tired. But I'm home, I've eaten, I've caught up on emails, caught up on FB, got ready for my hair appointment tomorrow and even sucked up my sleepiness to post here on LJ. What a weekend. Got more to post but gotta go to sleep or I'll face plant on the keyboard. Not ready for work tomorrow. Wish I could have had some company this evening but got turned down. Thirsty as all hell. Sweet dreams.

It seems a cruel trick that the world is full of such interesting things to learn about and do but we are so limited in our resources of money, and more importantly, time to do them.

I'm so pissed off. I don't, can't ((incomprehensible noises))... I really don't understand people. There is a job that I worked closely with a customer on quoting and I know that I mentioned needing pin feeds left and right multiple times and now she is claiming this is the first she's heard of it, and the forms are on their way. That I wouldn't mention it before is utter bullshit. We talked about doing this job for her in several different ways and I know I told her I needed the pin feeds because I remember her saying she couldn't do that in house. So I did a quote for her with me providing the forms and she got a price for a vendor of hers to do the forms. ... BULLSHIT! It's bullshit. I really hate and am sick of customers claiming I didn't give them information. I would and I did. So pissed off, so god damned fucking pissed off. Every time I work with a new customer I tell them I have to have the damned pin feeds. Every time. Only my regulars don't get told, because they already supply me with jobs that have pin feeds.

The job is already on it's way. First of all, she said she was going to tell me in advance when the forms were going to ship not, oh, they're already on the way and will be there Friday. And now the customer is going to try and get us to pay for having the pin feeds put in, I just know it. I'll have to drag Bev and Ed into this when people need to just LISTEN and stop blaming others for their over-sights and then there would not be any problems.

I know I told her pin feeds. I learned early and quick to be detailed and precise in all aspects of my job. I always say pin feeds left and right. I know they don't know my equipment, I never assume they would know what I need. Pin feeds, left. And. Right.

Can't believe I have to deal with this now. Bullshit. Total and utter bullshit.

Ugh, I am in an annoyed and pissy mood. For no reason that I can tell. I want to go home. I want to eat junk. I want to drink. I want to watch Firefly while I eat and drink. The closest I'll get is pizza and beer and Xena tomorrow, but I want it tonight! I want to call out of work tomorrow. I want more vacation days. I wonder if my boss would laugh if I called out tomorrow morning due to a bad attitude. I want to bitch with people. I want to bitch at people. Need to go home.

Oh wow I am ... upset or angry or highly irritated or all of the above right now. I just had a customer tell me point blank I didn't send them a price when I KNOW I did. Wow. Just because you are not observant enough to download and/or print out everything you need does not mean I did not send it. Oooooo. Maybe it is the tone of her voice that really got me, very accusatory. I NEVER, fucking NEVER try to pull over ANYTHING on ANY of my customers, even the ones that deserve it (read: general retail public). I ALWAYS deal honestly with everyone whether I like them or not because it is the right fucking thing to do! I have not, I do not, I will not ever cheat my customers or purposely steer them wrong, and I am really getting more and more pissed about this as I write. I really can't believe she had the gall to insinuate I would.

The kicker? I recently cleaned out my deleted items folder of the quotes I send so it's easier to find emails regarding art and shipping instructions as that is normally where misunderstandings occur. Fuck. So now I can't even send her proof that I sent it. But I know I did, because I did a double quote for her - 2 options, back to back quote numbers. I ALWAYS send those together in one email and I ALWAYS provide an explanation on what is what. She got one, then she damn well fucking got the other. Holy fucking god I am pissed.

Come on Curves workout!!!

I'm looking forward to performing this weekend. It feels like it's been forever since we have danced, and well, it has been. December at the NTMEDA Christmas dinner was the last one. That is TOO long ago! I'm sad we didn't get the Oak Cliff Earth Day set up for this year, they love having us and I enjoy performing there. Need more performing.

I remember in an early year in elementary school, 2nd grade?, a teacher saying we have to learn math because you use it everyday. Well I thought she was lying because I didn't use it everyday then. (Hey, it was 7 year old logic.) But now, I do use it everyday. Prolifically. Every part of my job is math - figuring prices, figuring quantities, figuring amounts of materials, figuring schedules. Even as a cashier in retail I didn't do this much math. As a cashier I would try to figure out the change in my head before I typed the cash amount into the register, whatever it took to keep from dying of boredom. I got fast and good at it. Thank goodness I don't do retail anymore. What a horrible, terrible, no good, very bad "industry" to work in.

I want cake and cookies and pizza and all sorts of others foods that are bad for me. I haven't had any in a very long time. You would think that avoiding foods like that would be easier the longer you do it but that isn't the case. The more days I put between my last sugar intake or fat binge, the more I want it. I always break, but I am trying very hard to break Monday after the Denton show and not before hand. Tonight will be trying at Al Amir, but very enjoyable.

Finished that damn top for Denton last night!! It looks sooo cute. It needs just a little bit more space in the top casing but still very useable. I made it from an old broomstick skirt that I've had for way too long but loved too much to get rid of. I'm glad I can re-purpose it for dance, and I have enough left over to make 2 more and I plan on doing different sleeves. The next will be the top slit long sleeves. And I have 2 more broomstick skirts I'm going to use for the same purpose. I don't know why I'm so excited over that, it must be the post-sewing success of last night.

Discovered to my great surprise that I like fresh, raw almonds. It must be the processing or cooking of them that turns them into nasty little beasts.

Haven't been to Curves in 2 weeks. Damn it, that was a bad move before a show. But my left shoulder has really been bothering me and there is one particular machine that seems to make it worse so I took last week off on purpose to give it a chance to heal. This week has just been busy with costuming and music and rehearsals that I haven't made it. Bad, bad Lori. I should have gone. Next week I guess.

I wanna dance, I wanna sing, I wanna make our world a pretty little thing.

I was thinking about a friend's post of FB while I'm sitting here cutting foam at work. The father of her son's friend in school died this past week. It made me think of how death of a person affects others - in this case the family most especially kids still growing up, the parents of the other kids of the class, and then the kids. Not to say the kids don't care but they don't have the experience or association like adults and the death of someone their friend knows is pretty abstract at that age. I feel for the little son, though. I then thought of a boy who died in HS from a heart attack.

He was 16 or 17 if I remember correctly and a year or two ahead of me (I have no desire to go through my yearbooks to confirm). I didn't know him at all, but we were on the same bus route in middle and then in high school. He was really the only one on the bus who would stick up for me and tell the kids picking on me to leave me alone. He was a nice guy from what I had heard about him, in football I think, did well in school and folks seemed to like him quite a bit. He was also involved in his church. I remember being shocked at the news of his death, sad for his friends and family. But even at that age I didn't feel as though it personally affected me even with how nice he was towards me and 'knowing' him for a handful of years. Somehow my train of thought moved to how I can't find it in me to believe in any god or goddess figure because why would they want to "bring home" these good people? If such beings existed and wanted worship and wanted their word spread, then wouldn't they want to leave around the good people who "do their works" and "spread their word?" I would if I was. Even if a god or goddess wasn't the micro-managing type of being closely involved with people's lives, and why would they?!, you'd think that somehow they'd put at least minimal effort into protecting their own.

My thoughts jumped to when Grandma Nell died. My background thoughts were tracking along the lines about how much of an unbeliever I am and how that is kind of strange. I used to look into and read about all sorts of strange things, some of which I probably will never admit to, wanting to believe, looking for proof of more. Hell, I even tried going to some churches but had the same lack of result. It suddenly hit me, my desire to search, find, hope; my change in mentality happened between Grandma and Andy's death. Lacking that need to search and why my change in opinions has occasionally crossed my mind, but it was today in the mindless cutting of foam I found that focal point.

I remember feeling so forlorn and sad when Grandma died and the biggest reason was just because I didn't know her as well as I wished, that the chance was now gone forever. I miss what little I did know of her; I miss terribly the chance to know her more. [side post - then why don't I spend more time with my family?] Even the memory of her casket and family saying "she's gone home" makes me want to break out into sobs. I don't think it helps cancer is such an unpleasant way to die. But I still kept reading around and searching, though less than before and in a much more bleak frame of mind. Maybe unknown desperation might be a better description.

Then Andy got sick. Really sick. I remember lots of mentally frantic phone calls where he had emergencies and sudden deteriorations. The calls themselves were calm, but your mind gears up to a thousand miles a minute with horrible news and you Cannot. think of anything else. It took its toll on me and then I would always think how much worse it is for Daddy, Katie and Maggie but I could never think of a way to ease their situation. I actually took to learning and praying the Hail Mary prayer just to help calm myself down during the day and so I could sleep at night. I figured it also couldn't hurt praying for Andy and my family, and even Grandma Nell. I continued that habit for a few months until I was able to start thinking about other things again.

But ever since I have never once searched for a higher being or meaning to it all. I scoff at the things I used to want to believe, I shake my head at the person I was. I am comfortable without having some sort of spiritual insurance or safety net, I'm finally at peace with lacking what is so important to so many others. I wonder in confusion how others can believe such nonsense, what did they experience that gives them that spiritual optimism? Don't read me wrong- I don't think any person is bad, stupid, moronic or anything else for believing in a faith. If they want it or need it that is their business. But I don't understand why people need that faith, why they cling to it so tightly they have no room for understanding and learning; why having that faith that espouses love and understanding causes judgmental and hateful attitudes. I don't understand why people blame a god for the bad rather than taking responsibility and I don't understand why people give a god all the credit for something the person has worked hard for and earned. Either way god didn't do it, you did it.

That's just how I see it.

I put a post on my Facebook today, "I love my job." I had a co-worker come and ask me if I was really serious or being sarcastic. I can understand how that can be taken sarcastic, especially in the stereotypical context of most people don't like their jobs but I do. I very much like my job. In fact, I would rather be here at Brandt on the worst days I've had here than the best days I ever had, or could dream of having, in retail. I feel very lucky to work at Brandt. I had no previous office experience, I had no previous industry experience. All I had was customer service experience, the willingness and ability to learn, and 2 owners who could see my potential and intelligence. How many people can say they have a job like mine without having a degree like me? I know I'm lucky to even have this job. I'm doubly lucky because I enjoy my job.

Dealing with customers is not easy. But dealing with regular customers is a thousand times better than random retail customers. You get to know them and vice versa and there is something about that familiarity that makes life better, everyone all around is more understanding when something goes wrong or more willing to help when you need to get a fast turn around. This is the only job where I did not mind dealing with customers. I almost don't mind doing the semi-sales that I do, I just really suck at that part. I like that I get to do quotes, oddly enough I enjoy working the math part of my job. Both the dollar part and the ruler part. I like processing orders, ordering material, being in charge and having responsibility of my orders. Boy it sucks when I screw up. I can't tell you how much it does, there are no words, but I still enjoy my job. I like working with the art, even if some think a .doc is an art file. The people I work with are great and the people I work for are at least as good. I make real money, enough to actually live on which you cannot do working retail. Cannot. Don't argue with me, I've been there.

I have had worse jobs. I've seen friends with worse jobs. So, all experiences and comparisons considered, I love my job. I can only imagine trading it in when I get a degree.

Of course I'm not shipping NDA free of charge for you! Nice try, though. Very inventive and certainly bold.

I have this great little strip right outside my back porch that one of the previous tenants used for a flower garden. I have been interested in going a vegetable and herb garden for a while and this would be the perfect spot. I've been trying to find what I can online about gardening but most of it isn't for beginners like myself, it's a little frustrating but it's probably like photography. You just have to do it to learn it. I can handle that.

I've also been reading up on composting - why pay for dirt when I can make my own? What is the most frustrating about the composting information is how widely it varies. Everyone agrees about needing green material, brown material, heat, moisture and air, but it is the brown to green ratio that is all over the place. I have seen as close as 3:1 brown to green to as far out as 25:1. That's a huge difference! Maybe it doesn't really matter that much in the long run and that is why no one can seem to agree. I guess I will just have to do it to find out.

I'm pretty excited about starting in on this project.

Now, I have to restrain myself from the expensive, rotating compost containers when I'm sure a Tupperware storage bin with good ol' fashioned elbow grease and a hoe would work just as well.

I absolutely just took the easy way of giving bad news to a customer so I didn't have to deal with her immediate reaction - waited until she was gone for the day and left a message. Their company took forever to pay their last bill so The Big Man said we have to have the check in hand and cashed before we will ship. I knew she'd be unhappy so I waited until she left for the day and left a message. The weekend should chill things out, right? Right??

Chicken shit.

A co-worker asked me today if I'm going to see my folks on Easter. It was out of the blue and slightly a surprising question and I paused before I answered; 1, I couldn't remember what plans have been set in stone for the weekend and 2, I was trying not to outright say that I'm a godless, soulless heathen and Easter is just another Sunday. I expect everyone in the office suspects based on the bumper stickers on my car and that I'm the only one who never talks about church, but I am never in the mood to listen to a Christian lecture and didn't want to open that window. I managed to squeeze out of the trap by saying yes, we're going to be moving furniture on Sunday. :/ Maybe not the best answer, I think Christians do the holiday thing and not do extraneous activities on Easter Sunday. I got out of it with an "I'm sorry" from her and I played along saying it's okay, I just don't have room for them in my apartment and it's an available day for everyone, blah, blah, blah. I'm just really glad I didn't open my big mouth about celebrating Zombie Jesus Day with friends because I'm pretty sure that would have been offensive! I can't help but mentally giggle though. I love calling it Zombie Jesus Day rather than Easter.

Should be a quiet night tonight. iPod, unpacking and at some point, dinner. I feel like I need a good mental check up because I have never been so excited to get to unpacking. Weird. Hoping I also get to take over some villages in my conquest game - I have been stopped at 13 villages for the longest time and then I lost one over the move weekend. I'm ready for a good fight! I should check in on my desert game as well. I can't even remember the last time I logged in and now that my game partner stopped playing I have to go change everything over to my name so the vultures don't snatch away my Paradise Oasis.

No work tomorrow, so I will get in a good double dose of unpacking completed. Then I'll be going to a burlesque show tomorrow night. I'm kind of dreading it because it starts so late - 10pm! - and I know I'll be done shortly after it starts. I agreed to go for a lot of reasons, mostly because I might just enjoy it more than I think so I'm giving it a chance. I just need to remember to take a nap in the evening.

I am ready for the work day to end so I can go work out!

I'm really looking forward to tomorrow, Thursday is going to be awesome. I'm excited about seeing tomorrow afternoon because - I get to go HOME. I miss my home. The Monday and Tuesday I took off from work last week to unpack was very nice, even without having access to the internet, and I enjoyed the quiet and centeredness of being at home, working on unpacking all day. I love my home, I can't wait to spend some time there tomorrow. Luckily this is the last day of having to go back to the old apartment, Dave and I will clear out what little is left. And I wish I had remembered about my bike when I had the U-Haul rented. It's okay, it will all get done. It will be done and I can start putting my place together. Bonus: the carpet at home is dried out and the carpet man should have the pad replaced and the carpet reinstalled when I get home this evening. I really CAN start unpacking again!!!

I have been thinking about checking out the Carrollton city council meetings. I expect they are rather boring but I feel so disconnected with what is going on locally and I have lots of reasons I want to check it out. It's easy to hear about national going-ons, but you never hear about city issues and rarely state. I definitely don't want any vocal minority trying to push their values and lifestyles on me and the best way to keep that happening is getting involved at home. And, I'm just plain curious. Hmmm, maybe I'll find some gigs for Visions at different community events, too.

Loving the weather, loving spring, loving my home.

Work is d-e-a-d today. It makes me want to go home and work on unpacking. Not that I could unpack with the blowers blowing on the carpet where I need to put furniture to do that unpacking. Oh well, there is no hurry, I love my new place and I don't plan on moving when my first year lease is up.

I heard a news report this morning on the Teabaggers who are protesting the health care bill and I don't understand these people at all. First of all, it's easier to fight a bill and keep it from passing than it is to remove or revoke a bill. If they are so hot and bothered by it why didn't they do more before it passed? Second of all, one of the people interviewed said he didn't like how they are portrayed as extremists but they aren't doing a damned thing to come across as anything more moderate. They come across hateful and ignorant when they say stupid things like, and I quote from a lady on the same news report, "I don't know what's in that bill, it could say we can't wear brown on Tuesdays for all we know." Really. REALLY? There has been a public copy of this bill available for all to read even before there was any voting done on it and you don't know what's in it? Then that is your own damn, fucking fault. You are keeping yourself in the dark, not the government keeping you in the dark. "We don't want government interfering with our lives, but we expect them to do everything for us." "We don't want socialized health care but don't touch my Medicare/Medicade/Social Security." (yes SS isn't health care specifically, but still government provided money.) Fucking morons. It reminds me of kids who don't want to be treated like kids, but then don't behave as adults. You cannot have it both ways. In that same news segment there were people who thought the racist death threats were being blown out of proportion, even hinted that they were made up. I really don't understand people. I really don't. I can't comprehend how you can feel so insecure or threatened that you can't behave like a rational adult. It makes me so mad. No one will ever agree on everything. It's not possible that everyone can like everything on any subject. Yet it appears that some people think so and take it personally when it doesn't happen. I feel like America is becoming more partisan because people are being more stupid all the time NOT because there are more and more extremists in each party; they are not willing to do any information hunting on their own, they are not willing to listen to everything that is to be said on a subject and THEN come up with an opinion. We do it backwards here in 'mer'ca - form an opinion; refuse to learn anything beyond the rumors you heard; be rude, belligerent and insult people who think different; be close minded rather than having an open and productive conversation. GAH! I shouldn't have even started writing about this, now I'm all upset.

Need new furniture for the apartment. I want to get rid of my current dressers as I don't have room for them and I don't use that much drawer space (I saw a man's closet yesterday on a YouTube video and he has more clothes than I do!). I'd really like to sell them, but I'm very hesitant about using Craig's List. I'm afraid of trying my luck and ending up with a crazy person or crook contacting me. I found a bookcase that will fit perfect under my bar between the kitchen and living room, and then I want an entertainment unit for the TV and game consoles. Although I may not need the big entertainment center I'm eying if I get the bookcase. I'm trying to think of a way to earn a little bit extra money to buy my furniture without getting a second job. It would be too much trouble for how little I need, but would take a while to get without some extra dollars coming in. I'm wondering if selling my coasters on Etsy or something would be worth the trouble, or offering to clean for friends. I hope I dream up a brilliant idea soon.

Didn't get much working out in over the past two weeks with packing and moving. I will make it there tonight, and then I'm planning for tomorrow, Thursday and Friday. I need to get back into the groove! I also need to get back into tracking my food on LiveStrong.com. That also fell by the way during the packing and moving, especially with my lack of internet at home.

Funny, I go to start writing to clear my head and then I forget half the things on my mind. I guess it works, in a way.

Someday in the far off distant future, my customers will stoop so low as to do the math themselves before sending me a quote request. Then I won't have to waste the time and effort in convincing them that this plan won't work.

Someday.

My day started out interesting, but back story first. My Boss Lady said last week I should watch Zombieland because it’s actually a good and funny movie after the gory beginning. I had heard everyone else say that, but there’s something about her saying I should really see this movie that I finally caved. This didn’t seem like her type of movie so if she like it then it must be good. So I watched Zombieland on Sunday. And I loved it! The Rules are great and so is “Shut up and nut up.” It was really funny to hear my Boss Lady say THAT on Monday when I told her I loved the movie.

So I walk into work this morning, early as always, and there is something sitting on my desk. With a note. As I’m not a morning lady it took me about twenty seconds to realize what I was looking at… a package of Twinkies and a note that says “Just in case…” I burst out laughing. So awesome!

Then I had a customer drop by in an unexpected and surprise visit. I hate it when they do that. I’m glad I wore a polo shirt today as opposed to my normal t-shirt, but I didn’t have on any makeup. Some warning would have been nice so I can put on a quick swipe of mascara and lip gloss to not look dead. I probably sounded like a babbling idiot, too. I have to mentally prepare myself for these things! Make a mental list of what to say so I don’t forget anything important, AND edit out anything I shouldn’t say. Don’t get me wrong though, I love meeting my customers and vendors because I talk with them on the phone and through email all the time and it’s nice to have a face to go with the voice. But I prefer the planned visits.

Then I got busy with quotes. Lots of quotes. And there is a new numbering job due out tomorrow that was sitting on my back waiting for me to get to it; I had to set up a new printer we’ve never used before. I got to it before lunch, spending the latter half of the morning with my head in a printer, but had to take care of yet more quotes when lunch was over before I could go back to numbering. And then my numbering girl left to take care of a sick child. Aiy-yai-yai. Ran out of time and just set the new job up on one of the old printers (I love that machine). It seems like my busy desk days always coincide with the days when numbering has to get done. I need to figure out a way to clone my personality/soul and control 2 bodies at once. I think that would help. And of course now I am sitting here waiting to get back prices on paper so I can complete my quotes. It’s very strange how many of my days ebb and flow like that. It’s rare I have a steady day, but I like those the best.

I move in two weeks. I am so excited about getting my own place and having my own space, and buying some nice furniture. I want to get the angled desk from Crate and Barrell, the bed with drawers and matching slat headboard from Ikea, a soft and comfy mattress, and a brand, shiny new Apple iMac. I thought the computer might have to wait even though I’m worried my current computer could die any week now, but it looks like the bed may be on hold. I went to Ikea last weekend with Mom and I didn’t see my bed there. I thought it was due to the remodeling they were doing but when I checked the stock on the website a little bit ago, the Frisco location is sold out of my bed. And now I’m bummed. But I guess I may get my computer after all.

I had a dream two nights ago I was working back at Family Video with my manager that had moved back to Ohio before I quit. Maybe nightmare would be a better description. I remember being confused because she shouldn’t be there and because I shouldn’t be there! I tried to stand up to her, to tell her to stop taking advantage of me but I was only sugar and sweet to her. I know why I dreamt that. After she left I found out she was having me do things every week that didn’t need to be done every week. And because while I did work there, my agreement to help close occasionally during the week turned into me only closing during the week. And I was the only closer who had to be up early! AGH! Thankfully that’s over with.

I've been trying out a couple new things and I am happy with them so I wanted to share with people in the easiest way possible. Aren't you lucky?

About a month ago I learned about some very strange and unusual shoes by Vibram. Being that I like unusual and strange things I immediately wanted a pair. (Why haven't you checked the link yet?? See, I told you they were different.)) I never particularly thought I wanted shoes with toes in them before but the idea of them shone through my head like the warm, setting sun breaking through black Texas storm clouds. I don't particularly care for traditional walking and running shoes for a variety of reasons, I like walking barefoot. But walking barefoot down the sidewalk isn't very safe, and businesses don't appreciate your patronage without shoes. I spent some time checking out the website, drooling, wishing, measuring my feet... but I wanted to TRY ON a pair. About three weeks back I made it up to Luke's Locker at the Shops at Legacy and they hooked me up. Putting them on the first time was weird, there's stuff between your toes. Walking around in them for the first time is weird, you can feel the texture and temperature of the surface you're walking over. It feels like you are barefoot! The idea behind these shoes is nature created your foot to work perfectly without cushioning, so why have it?

Three weeks wearing the shoes and yes I can tell a difference. Hell, 3 days after wearing them and I could tell a difference! Before I walked with my left foot turned out slightly and my right would be straight. I would have to make serious conscious effort to turn my foot in, but 3 days in with my Vibram shoes and I was walking with both feet pointing straight ahead without a thought. The cramps in my hip joints have disappeared, I haven't had a single twinge since my new shoes. Not that I had lots of problems with my back, but now my lower back doesn't feel tired after a day of work or a day of shopping. I stand up straighter when I walk, my shoulders just fall back naturally. Then of course my chin rises and then I'm ready to take on the entire world!

I highly recommend these shoes. They are cheaper than Reeboks, Nikes, Adias, New Balance (and that was my brand of choice before hand) or the other Big Brands. Read about the Vibrams, go to a shoe store and try them on (Luke's Locker in Plano gave me the best damn customer service I've ever received). I don't think you'll be disappointed. I think you will be impressed and I think you will be a new convert like myself. Feel free to ask me about my shoes, I'll be happy to share.

My other big find so far this year is LiveStrong.com. Yeah, it doesn't look like much. Just another one of those depressing health nut sites that says you can do it but you still can't find that motivation in yourself. Screw that shit. That's right, I said screw that shit. This site isn't my new favorite because of the articles, who cares?, but because of a free service they offer - DailyPlate. I have scoured through a scary number of health websites looking for that thing to help me be healthier, some motivation to help keep me going when I start - because let me tell you, I am a starter. I can and will start anything. Follow through? Eh. Effort.

The DailyPlate is a food and fitness tracker. It is the easiest, and in my opinion, the best I've tried. Bonuses: it's free and you can use your existing Facebook account to sign up and sign in. So, you are now signed up and signed in (for free!). You enter in your height, your age, your weight, your activity level and whether you want to maintain your current weight or lose X pounds a week. It does ALL the math for you (score!) and tells you your daily calorie goal. This goal is easier to meet than I thought and it's all because how easy this is to use! It's easy, so I use it, so I'm aware of what I'm eating and burning!

Other trackers I've tried are clumsy, bulky, difficult to use, didn't have a large selection of foods and I would get discouraged from wanting to even bother with them. And I wouldn't. DailyPlate has a large database of foods and verified foods. All you do is type in your food, say Chik fil a grilled chicken and a pop-down menu with various choices comes up for you to choose from: sandwich, wrap, etc. Think of when you type a search into Google and it gives you a drop down of suggestions. Exactly the same but with food, it takes only a minute to enter in a meal. You also do the same with exercise. I spent this last Saturday shopping with my favorite mother in the whole world, my Mom. When I got home that evening I typed in 'shopping' into the fitness area, got my drop down choices of 'shopping - grocery' and 'shopping - non grocery.' You pick your selection, non-grocery in this case, and how many minutes you spent. Again, it magically and miraculously does the math for you (yesssss!) base on the height, weight, age info you gave it earlier and says you burned XXX calories. Those calories then get subtracted from the Chik-fil-a Chargrilled Chicken sandwich you ate earlier and you now have more room to eat cookies!!! I mean, a salad. Yeah. A salad.

This site does so much more than all of that. It tracks the protein, fat, cholesterol, fiber, carbohydrates, and sodium for each food and each meal. You even get a useful pie chart (make room for pie!) showing how your food for the day breaks down into carbs, fats and proteins. I'm eating a lot less fats now; that portion of the pie was large and red for the first few days. I think they picked the red on purpose. Thankfully.

On the fitness side you can create, and search, something called Loops. Loops are the tracks you take for your exercise whether your choice is to run, walk, or bike outside. You are given a Google map to trace your route on. It then magically and miraculously figures up the distance, and height changes, of your route. I did my just-over-a-mile loop after work today. It asks me "How long did it take you to complete this loop?" and I give it minutes, there is an optional box for heart rate, and it figures the calories I burned for me. (Not nearly as many as the hours long shopping spree. But cheaper.)

Do you see why I like this site so much!? I have to do nothing other than be honest with myself on what I'm eating and how lazy I'm being. Yes, being truthful to yourself ain't easy but I'm feeling results already. How long have I been using LiveStrong.com? A week and three days. First of all, that I have consistently used a new tool for 10 days straight is, in fact, a miracle of Ghod. That I have slowly been making changes in my habits without actual effort makes me think the Debil may just be involved. And *I* don't have to do any math.

You have nothing to lose by trying LiveStrong.com. So please try it. If you don't like it I'll refund your money. Oh, wait, that's right. IT'S FREE!

I went to my StumbleUpon favorites page last yesterday to go through some of the things I had found at work but didn't get a chance to really look at, all the music pages in particular. Oooo, there were some fun ones! While going through the links I came across one for livestrong.com. They have a service where you can track your daily food and exercise. I looked through the site and it seemed worth the free registration, bonus that I could my FB sign in and not start a brand new account with yet another site.

I put in everything I could remember eating and drinking for the day and the 30 minute walk I took, I was about 140 short of the daily allotment based on my age, weight, height, weight loss goal and activity level. So, yeah! I wasn't even trying since I didn't bother signing up until right before dinner. Sadly, most of those calories were from fat - oh cheese how I love you! - but now I can, hopefully, start taking small steps in altering my habits. I really hope that using this tool will help me stay motivated because I will be able to see progress instead of wondering. I know the hardest part for me will be remembering to input my meals and exercises; I have a terrible habit of thinking to myself "I'll do it later," and then I don't. The nice thing about it being online is I don't have to remember to carry a book with me, I can also access it when I'm at work, at home, or at a friend's house.

I'm so proud of myself for yesterday. I hope I'm on a good track for today. Breakfast was an apple I picked up on the way in to work, I brought a salad for lunch and the leftovers of my taco potato from dinner. Dinner will also include the green salad, and maybe a sandwich or tuna fish salad sandwich. I don't know. Ohhhhh, but when I got to work this morning some evil tempter or temptress left an unopened 2 liter bottle of Dr. P and an opened and half used 2 liter bottle of Coca-Cola in the breakroom. It is quite a fight to not at least poor myself a delicious, cold, sweet, bubbly glass of the dark concoctions. What I really want to do is to grab the Dr. P, wrap my arms around it like a running back with a football and tiptoe back to my desk while laughing maniacally to myself at my tasty find.

Back to finishing lunch.

Arrrgh!

I am frustrated with myself, and maybe disappointed too, even though at the same time I'm not sure I even care. I was so excited to sign back up with Curves back in November and I was good about going 3 times a week for the first three weeks. And then the holidays happened where everyone wanted to do stuff and so I didn't have the space in my head to make time to go. I went back for 2 weeks in mid-January and then stopped going again. I keep thinking about going but I just can't get excited about it. I don't know if it's because I feel I get nothing out of it, even though I can see and feel the changes in my body of getting stronger and trimmer, or because there are things about it I don't like, or maybe those are all excuses and I really am hopelessly lazy. Arrrgh!

I don't like going because I don't like the people. They are so cliquish. And normally I can get over that, I have no problem being anti-social and in my own little world. I think the part that bugs me is they are so into their little groups and talking and getting attention that they aren't paying attention to their workouts. I will have ladies who will get in the station in front of me and then they don't switch at the timer; they hold up my routine. Rude!!! There are also ladies who will get in a station behind me, but they want to skip the cardio pads and only do the machines so they will come up behind you and make you feel like you are holding them up, sighing and standing, waiting for you to move. Rude!!! The employees who are supposed to watch us and make sure we are doing the machines and movements properly also don't pay attention; many of the ladies working out have bad form and don't do the moves all the way through and they aren't corrected. I'm surprised there aren't more injuries. The music they play sucks as well - generic remixes of lousy songs. Most of the other women signed up are 20 to 30 years older than me as well. Yay generation gap; maybe that explains the music. Those all seem like pathetic excuses to not go, but combined it makes my experiences less than enjoyable.

I've been thinking maybe if I reward myself with something after each workout maybe I'll start going and look forward to going. I can't think of what to reward myself with that either wouldn't get expensive or wouldn't negate the exercise I would have just completed. I'm stuck between trying to make myself go or just canceling my membership. The problem with canceling my membership is I won't find another place to go to that is this cheap. Krav would be at least twice as much a month, though it is for unlimited classes, but knowing myself I would be lucky to make it once a week. Dance classes are about as much as Curves, but much less of a workout for me. Gym memberships are absolutely out of my price range. I'm also bad about using the Wii and Wii Fit. I'm hoping that will change when I get my new place and feel less confined and less restricted

Oh what to do, what to do, I need some inspiration to get me through.

This last weekend was Mindy's wedding down in Salado, TX. I got to be The Photographer despite all of my reservations I voiced to Mindy and Katie. I glanced at some of the pictures as they were downloading to my computer last night and while they aren't Professional, they aren't horrible either. Of course I thought of some other poses I could have done with the bridal party while I was brushing my teeth last night, but oh well. The part that bothers me most is I shot the entire wedding on .jpg and not RAW. I did the rehearsal dinner in RAW so I don't know what happened; probably got changed when I was going through the menus for white balance or ISO or exposure compensation.

The drive down was a little stressful since we seemed to be running late, but the travel spirits must have been looking after us because we arrived an hour early. I don't think I've ever been down I-35 after lots of rain and the view was just exceptional. With all the rain we've had through September the grasses, trees, and shrubs were all green. Rather than being brown, short and dried, the grasses by the roadside were tall, waving in the breeze and ready to go to seed. The field grasses were a vibrant, almost fluorescent, happy green. There was a field in particular with round, brown hay bales sitting in the brightest green field of thick-bladed grass. I could have stopped and spent an hour by the side of the road taking photos. I've never seen the oaks such a dark green and I don't think there was a dry leaf anywhere. The willow-like trees were such a thick, feathery texture and the color of newly sprouted leaves. Bright yellow wild flowers were blooming all over the place, looking like a new carpet across the fields. The cows and horses looked fatter than normal from all the juicy plants; or it could have been they weren't tired from the heat. It was partly cloudy for most of the drive down and then turned cloudy. Great traveling weather.

We had to wait for everyone else to show up since we arrived early, but we sat in the car and Daddy walked around a bit. The rehearsal went well and there was one for the outside deck and one for inside the hall in case it was going to be pouring rain. Dinner came next. We went to the Pappadeux's in "Round Rock." It was really in Austin, I want to say an hour away from where we were in Salado. The food was very good though. The gator in the appetizer was much better than the gator I had tried at Joe's Crab Shack. I sucked it up and ordered the mahi for my dinner. All my experiences with fish previously are that they smell and taste extremely fishy; vomitous. I've even tried smoked salmon, which many people seem to love, but it was very fishy AND smoked flavour; disgusting. The mahi was very good, flavourless as far as I could tell but that could have been due to the cream sauce that was with it. I could have done without the shrimps and crawfish though.

I went home with Katie to Kileen after the rehearsal dinner and we stayed up until 2:30a just sitting in her garden and looking at the stars. It was cloudy most of the weekend but for that little bit of time, the clouds cleared up overhead. I watched Cassiopeia, the Pleiades, and Orion rise up over the peak of her house. I saw constellations I vaguely remember but couldn't recall their names, it's been too long. The full face of the moon watched over us, shining down on our shoulders. It was dark, or as dark as you can expect with the full moon, and it was quiet and just Pure Heaven. I didn't even want to go to sleep that night, I wanted to watch the stars until the sunlight broke over the horizon.

Saturday was a very long day. I got up around 8 and started downloading photos from the previous night to the laptop so I could burn a disc. It took 2 frikin' hours to transfer 250 photos!!! It finished just as Mindy pulled up to the hair salon; I was afraid I'd have to stop the transfer, and risk losing some of the photos, to be able to photograph the hair and make-up portion. Then we made our way out to Salado. Got photos of the dinner tables, wedding cake, table of honour, only some pictures of the bridesmaids and bride getting ready. I'm very not happy about that. Just as Mindy was (finally) starting to put her dress on, the caterers showed up and I to find out where they were supposed to be. Everyone who knew had disappeared to go change. Mindy was already buttoned up with jewelry by the time I made it back. What I should have done is acted clueless: "I'm just the photographer, I don't know who you need."

The ceremony was outside and it was well done and the weather co-operated briefly. Food was delicious - TX barbeque and iced tea. The first dances were beautiful, touching, and humourous. The cake was pretty good but I was so full by then I couldn't really appreciate it. We have another family photo of everyone together and it should be a pretty good one. I crashed early that night. I was asleep by 10.

Sunday morning I spent on the porch of the bed and breakfast with Maggie and we chatted some, watched the traffic, enjoyed the weather and the squirrels. It was very nice. The rooms at this place were amazing! I enjoyed the layout and the decorations. This is a place I will probably come spend a week at to just read or work on cross stitch or something. Sadly, there is no internet. But it's such a nice place I could live without. I don't know if I want to try and go in the spring or wait until next fall.

The drive back was just as long as the drive down. The view just as wonderful yet completely different. We drove through rain for the first half but then it got foggy. It's not foggy often in Texas and I enjoy it when it is. It looked extra neat during this drive because of the short trees that dotted across the fields and hills into the distance and seemed to turn a featureless fog into layers of progressively thickening white. I really love Texas, it is so beautiful here whether it's sunny, hot, cloudy, rainy, humid, cold, foggy, icy, or stormy. Whether you're in hill country with the wildflowers or driving across the northern reaches with increasingly desert land and plants, there is always something for me to love about the land here.

I was thinking, again, about my desire to drive around the state highways and just take photos of whatever strikes my fancy. Of course I love the rundown houses and barns by the highway, but if I could hit the road after rains.... wow. I'd have to quit dance for at least a bit though since I think I would miss more rehearsals than I would attend. Something to think about for sure. It could be like a little vacation every weekend. Just get on the road and drive out for a day, drive back the next.

I've been fighting the urge to cut my hair lately. I hate having that urge because I enjoy having long hair and I think I have pretty hair; I think it looks better long than short. I also am at a loss as to what to do with my hair when it's long, as well as it being more difficult to take care of long. But winter is coming, I will not cut it!

I want to get out of the city. I miss living where there are woods and creeks where you can wander off and leave behind the din of traffic and the buzz of electricity and the hum of airplanes flying overhead. I miss the sweet/sour smell of decaying leaves. I miss the gurgle and burble of streams. I miss the rustle of tree branches in the wind as you're walking through their shadows. I miss the patchy, angling golden sun through those trees. I miss the small hills and valleys of the woods I used to know. I miss walking for hours on end. I miss the delight of being alone in the silence.

Oh sure, I can walk for hours around the neighborhood here, but it's on a sidewalk or a road. Traffic is zooming by, traffics lights are blinking through their cycles, claustrophobic houses line the streets, cyclists pass you by, other pedestrians approach you... there is nothing relaxing or enjoyable about walking in the city. I want to walk; I miss the legs I used to have. I miss losing myself.

Oh sure, I could walk on my treadmill, but it feels different. There is less resistance and you seem use different muscles, it feels like a cheating walk, like you're a robot going through the motion. There are a few bonuses to the treadmill... I can have a fan or a/c when I get hot and I can read while walking. Those bonuses are balanced by the way my day never leaves me though, and how my thoughts get more wrapped up in what I need to do. I think that's because I'm staring at all the things I need to do while I'm trying to 'get away.'

Oh sure, I could go to a park. The manicured perfection revolts me however. Mowed grass, sculpted bushes, trimmed trees, paved paths, planned streams, flat ground. I long for the wildness and naturalness of the woods: downed trunks you have to climb over or walk around, treading carefully to avoid animal holes or arching roots, tall grasses going to seed in the small clearings, how the creek changes and alters itself after every heavy rain.

At this moment, I would even take the crisp, chilly air if I could walk through the woods again.

I often think about moving out into rural Texas, well outside the Metroplex. I have no idea where to go though. I have no idea where I would work, what I would do for money. But, I think about how amazing it would be to enjoy the darkness and be able to see the stars again. In my daydreams I own my own little piece of woods and stream; a cozy house hidden away; my own garden of vegetables and herbs.

I sure hope business picks up soon. Not having much to do is going to drive me insane.

Holy crap I am ready for this rain to stop. 8 days now of rain and clouds with only a minor break on Tuesday where the sun peaked out for a few hours. I stood in it for a few minutes only (I was at work), but it was glorious despite the heat and humidity. I feel like I'm back in NC for the week. Tiredness, depression, lethargy are setting in. I'll try to go to bed early tonight but I have a lot to cram into this evening. Grocery shopping, working out, cooking dinner and assembling my new furniture. Plus I have to play my game, an addict like myself must have her fix.

Damn it, why does everything have to happen on the same weekend! Game night is tomorrow and then we leave for Houston for Vagabond Circque Saturday morning; I still have to pack. I'll have to leave game night early tomorrow.... or I could not go. I really enjoy game night but it always seems to happen at the most inconvenient times for me. What to do, what to do?

Is this it? Are we coming to the breaking point? Will there be a revolution of some sort? People are up in arms because the government wants to help those who need it while trying to leave the rest of us be. Parents are keeping their kids from going to school because the President is giving a speech. There's going to be a march in Washington because Obama is trying to make this country better.

Where was the fucking march when Bush's administration was cutting away our rights and lying to our faces? I remember when friends were afraid to speak out against Bush in public after 9/11 - what kind of America is THAT? Where were the angry, screaming masses when national forests were given to loggers and we reneged on environmental treaties? Why aren't parents pulling children out of schools for the lowering of expectations and simplifying of curriculum? Dallas schools allow 50 to be a passing grade and they get as many chances as they want to make passing grades and turning in work. That's not helping the kids and not doing society any good, yet, where's the outrage over that?

I don't understand what the fuck is wrong with the country, everything seems so damn backwards. We let the important stuff slide right on by but throw temper tantrums and over analyze the most trivial things: John and Kate, American Idol, Michael Jackson? We idolize the men who started America, using their OPINIONS as facts, as though they are demi-gods who knew all and could do no wrong. Just because they said it doesn't mean to follow blindly.

I'm going home now. Going to live in my fantasy worlds and lose myself in a few hours of happiness.

I don't know why this is bugging me so much today rather than yesterday, or a week ago. I am saddened, disappointed, disheartened, pissed off, annoyed, insert synonyms here.

My family is very opinionated. We all believe what we believe and damn the rest of you. The part that bothers me is how one-sided, blinded, hateful and hypocritical some of them can be. Let's call the opposing party and politicians names - yeah, that's real mature and always gets you somewhere. Let's perpetuate what we're told without researching the facts ourselves. Let's assume the Constitution says what we personally believe rather than reading it and learning what it really stands for. Most if not all of my friends and family know I'm a liberal of one sort or another, but I'm not confining my criticisms to the conservatives in my family.

I want to to be able to convince them all- family, pundits, talking heads- that this poo flinging doesn't get you anywhere. You don't sway and persuade with such childish tactics. If you really cared, if you really wanted things to go your way then you do your research, document your facts, go to various sources to round out your argument and then present your side with an intelligent thoughtfulness that encourages debate. Encourages thinking. Encourages looking for a way to make it better. Inspires people to get off their asses and write their representatives and volunteer. I feel the country is so divided because of the lies, deceit, and lack of respect. Don't add to it. Don't make it worse - the politicians can do that on their own! It's our responsibility to hold them true, keep them honest, and work for our interests, not theirs.

Please, have your opinion and beliefs. And I beg you to believe in them and aim for them, air them and share them, whatever they are. That is what it is to be American! With the same breath I ask to you rise above and be better than what you see: an eye for an eye leaves everyone blind and no one better. Spite and hate never looked good on anyone. Especially on those you love.

Dave and I went on our walk on Monday and I really enjoyed it. It was an extraordinarily pleasant evening; the sun was setting with mostly cloudy skies and a nice breeze. In fact, we passed around twenty other people who were out and about in the neighborhood! I’ve been out walking in the evening before, though not on a regular basis, and have never seen that many other folks out enjoying the nice evening. We had to have walked a good mile to mile and a half, I’m very proud of my Dave because he wasn’t even strolling. We had a nice brisk pace going the entire time.

Yesterday at work was another repeat of Monday, although I did have a few more quotes to do. I’ve also started to learn integrated cards in addition to the laser clean cards and integrated labels. I dread learn affixed/blown on labels: there are SO many different types of lining, adhesive, and label materials that it will be a pain to learn it. Thank goodness I’m not likely to learn stencils. Today is not ranking up there as one of my favourite days. I’m back in numbering world rushing to get out a job that is due today. We had run out of labels for the forms last week and Bev even admitted yesterday that she was dragging her feet on getting the labels made. I’m running both dot matrix printers and this particular job runs fast. The big printer prints a stack in 10 minutes and the small printer prints in 18 minutes. So I am running around trying to keep the printers fed with paper (although the affixers can’t keep up with me because they are only running on one machine.) The smaller printer is supposed to print quicker than the large one, I tried to figure out why and couldn’t. At first I wasn’t happy because I want to get this job over with, but after thinking on it I’m not sure I could keep up with two printers that each only takes 10 minutes to print a stack. For this job a stack is 750 sheets of paper.

Tonight is an extra dance rehearsal. My back is starting to twinge from the numbering and I’m just hoping I can hold out tonight and through the week until our performance on Saturday is over. Time to get some more bananas and pull out the heating pad. Ooooo, a nice long, hot shower would be nice. Oh, I want to leave work early. Like every day.

I did not get much done at home last night. I keep saying I’ll do my taxes and then I just don’t think about it when I get home. I also keep thinking about looking up my polling and caucus location so I can go vote early and then participate in the caucus next week. I keep forgetting when I’m not at work. I did, at least, get a waistband pinned to a skirt I’m working on but I wasn’t able to pull myself away from watching Torchwood to sew it in place. I could just eat up the incredibly dashing and heroic Jack Harkness. Or would that be allowing him to….?

I think I’m supposed to do something tomorrow, maybe with Dave? I’m not sure. Oh, I need to get all my dance stuff together. And Friday Dave and I have a date with the Thunderbird roller rink! We are gonna go skating after going to dinner. I’m really looking forward to that, and I hope we start going every week. It’ll be like a regular date night. YAY!

It's not that I'm avoiding work, but there isn't any work for me to do. After spending 5 or 6 weeks in the printer room numbering several large jobs I am very glad to be out of there. There are still a few jobs left to do, but I have to wait for the labels to get made or wait for the labels to be affixed. During those 5 weeks, the work load in the office was pretty heavy and they really needed me to help out with answering phones, working on quotes and converting orders. Now that I'm here there isn't enough for me to do. Ugh. I've gotten to do a few quotes today and I converted 2 orders but that's really it. I filed all of the back logged paperwork that isn't filed up in the racks in the warehouse, I've re-organized my prices and procedures book, I've re-worked my desk space so that I have more counter area, and I've finished filing all the plates I can file. I hate numbering but I think I hate having nothing to do while at work even worse. All I can think about are all the things I could be doing at home. Foremost on my mind is the Visions newsletter I wanted to get out this week but haven't even worked on yet.

This month's newsletter was supposed to feature one of the girls so readers could learn a little more about them. Every time I send out an email about it the girls don't respond; getting info for this project is like pulling a stubborn tooth. Since no one has responded I guess I'll do myself for this month, though I didn't want to do that. It feels too ego-centric to be the one working on this and to be the first Visions girl featured. It probably would have been easier if I had started on this right after the PILOT show was finished. I don't know why I didn't other than the fact it just didn't cross my mind. Shame on me. The up side is it didn't take me very long to do the first newsletter and I didn't know how to work software very well. Now that I have several hours experience with Pages the altering should go quicker, and the actual writing last time didn't take long at all. Huh, that should be encouragement to get this done sooner next time!

This coming Saturday is a new choreography debut for Visions. We're dancing to Fiddle and Drum by A Perfect Circle­ and I just adore what we've done. It's a great all body workout and it is beautiful and almost looks like bellydancing! I wish we had another week to really work it better, I still forget some spots while we're dancing. Hopefully we'll get to run through it lots on Wednesday and run it a few times in the middle of the day on Saturday. Maybe during lunch break at the workshop. I look forward to the audience's reaction to this dance and I hope I don't screw the performance up much! We had a great costume idea for this piece but it just wasn't working. We were hitching up our long skirts to a bustle in the back but because we do some floor work, the length of the bustle was too difficult to dance with. It's a freaking shame. We'll get something worked out by Saturday; we have some t-shirts we're going to fake alter and we'll be doubling up some hip scarves to wear over jeans. My only hesitation is the shirts are brown and the scarves are black. Dark with dark on stage usually doesn't show movement well, and if there is going to be a curtain we're dancing in front of those tend to be dark as well.

Dave bought a pair of rollerblades over the weekend so that we can start going skating together. Our goal is to start going to Thunderbird every week to get exercise and to get used to being on skates again, but then we plan on skating around the neighborhood for exercise. I'm very excited we'll be skating together I think it will loads of fun. Eventually we'll spend the money to get our bikes fixed up, biking around the neighborhood and in the park just across the street would be nice as well. Because the weather is being ridiculously warm today, I hope I can talk Dave into taking a walk with me today. I want to spend some time with him before his class tomorrow and my dance on Wednesday. Oooo, and we're going to go to bed early tonight! It's sad I'm this happy about getting an extra 3 hours of sleep.

I was bad this past week: I didn't go to half my classes. I only went to dance, I really needed the physical exertion and actually wanted more than what we did. We've started on choreography for the end of semester performance so there was, and is going to be, more down time in class than before. I just couldn't bring myself to go to history on Monday after the weekend. The funeral and the driving had me completely unfocused, just going through my work day was a struggle. I kept mixing up orders and making mistakes all over the place; a very unproductive day. Skipping my class on Wednesday was just pure laziness. I couldn't bring myself to sit in a freezing cold room for three hours while the teacher goes over what people should have done at home. That's getting really old.

I don't know what to do about school after this semester. I like having multiple classes because it means I can transfer that much sooner, but it's really tough to balance it with working overtime. I miss being able to cook dinner too, instead of just throwing together bean burritos or frozen dinners. They're getting old. I also keep wavering between what to major in. Yes yes yes I want to do music but I have to be a full time day student to get the required classes. That just isn't possible unless I want collections banging down my door because I have no money. So I think about (astro)physics or geology or anthropology. I could do those in night classes and I enjoy those subjects. Down side to the physics- I haven't had a math class in ten years and I've never actually taken a physics class with the equations and stuff. I just read a lot about astrophysics and quantum mechanics. And what the hell do you do with degrees in geology and anthropology other than teach?! Hell, if I wanted to teach I would already be doing that- I don't have the patience or interest. I'd rather go into (*puke*) business or law. I think back on the career counseling provided in high school and laugh. What a fucking joke. Hell, the whole school was a joke. I can't think of anything I learned from there that doesn't come from band class. Oh, and dance class; that's where I first learned talent comes second to being thin. Hopefully I'll settle on what do to sooner than later.

Visions has decided to go to an event in Atlanta in August. I'm looking forward to our first East Coast show!! I don't know how well known this event is, though. Should be fun and a great opening for us no matter what. We'll probably start discussing what to do for it after Denton Arts & Jazz, which is only a month-ish away. I'm very excited about that because we're re-working Sema and it's turning out better than before. My biggest problem with the previous choreography for that piece was running out of time to finish it. It didn't feel as good to me as the first half, but the first half is even better now. And it will be our first 5 person choreography to be performed!! Lie can be for multiple people we just haven't done it yet, and in theory Arrival(the cabaret) is for any number but one section would need tweaking.

I had a bad morning Friday, which turned out to be an awesome fucking day over all, and was just about as low as I had been in a while. I hate feeling that way but it seems to bring out odd little inspirations from me. I wanted to add more stanzas but couldn't match the rhythm no matter what I tried. A shame I think, but I think it's good enough on its own. Maybe I'll be able to add to it later.

cut up shards of wasted paper
loaded with meaningless words,
multiple editions of fumbled thoughts
discarded for fear of rebuff.

I'm still slightly nauseous from the drive home from the North Texas Irish Festival, but I wanted a break from typing up my U.S. History essay. I don't know if I'm getting more susceptible to motion sickness as I get older, or if it's just Dave's car(there is a terrible smell that comes through the vents when the car is stopped), but every time we go somewhere, I come home and I don't feel completely well for a couple hours. Even if it's only a 15 minute trip I end up feeling unwell. When Daddy drives us down to Kileen and home, I end up feeling the same about half the time. I'm ready for transporters for humans to be invented and put to use.

The festival was an enjoyable distraction to go to. I enjoyed being out in the nice weather with my love. The shopping is just so-so (especially with no money to spend) and I'm not terribly into watching the dancing and listening to the music. There was a fun Canadian band playing while Dave and I ate our homemade potato chips. The fiddler they had kicked much ass, one of the best fiddlers I've ever heard. . . not that I listen to music that uses fiddles much. The food was yummy though. I had the Irish stew for the first time and it was good and extremely filling. Brought some kettle corn home to give me a little fix until Faire opens.

Dance rehearsal was yesterday morning. We have been re-choreographing Sema the passed couple of weeks and while we didn't progress yesterday with new stuff, we did solidify and worked out kinks in counts of the stuff we already have. So far I like our new Sema MUCH better than what we had before. We'll be debuting it at the Denton Arts and Jazz festival at the end of April.

Dad called me yesterday in the early afternoon about dropping down to Kileen to visit with everyone but I decided to pass on it. It would have been great to see Maggie again but I couldn't afford the time away and the dent the trip would have made in my sleep. And I need my rest with school and the overtime I'll be working this week.

The big printing job at work finally got final approval: 400,000 sheets to be crash numbered once on the form and 4 times on the label. I have a month to do this. Then the company is moving to a larger building. Ugh. I hate doing the printing and I hate having scary deadlines like that. Fortunately work got a second dot matrix printer that is faster than the first we had, and I'll be running both at the same time but I still can't help but feel pressure to get this done. 3 of the 5 versions of the forms have already been completely affixed and there are pallets taking up space in the warehouse just waiting for me.... taunting me... pressuring me. I'm going to go into work as early as I can make myself get up this week to see how far I get into printing this week. I'm thinking if I can get in and started by 6:30 every morning and only take 30 minutes for lunch, I should be able to completely finish 2 versions by Friday. The first version is 48k and the second is around 50k, 800 a carton and I can do 2 and a half cartons or so every 40 minutes with both printers running. The worst part: I have absolutely nothing to do while the printing is going on! I get to literally watch the paper come out of the printers until each case is completed. Pack the case, watch the paper, repeat until the day ends. Yay. I get a month of that. I'm totally going to try and cheat and bring in some cross stitch to do when no one is looking.

I'm glad the weather is warming and the days are getting longer.

Wow. I never thought I would go nearly a year without writing in my LJ, it's crazy to think about. There have been so many things I've wanted to write about since last April but there were many instances of not having enough time, and others where when I did get the time I didn't feel up to the task of writing. Unfortunately, I often get the urge to write in my journal at work where I don't have access to the internet most of the time and the times I do have access, I'm likely to get caught and get in trouble.

I don't know if I want to try and re-cap the highlights, so to speak, of the year, or if I should just go ahead and start from this point out.

I'm back in school and I'm taking 3 classes this semester and working overtime at work. I'm hoping to write more in my journal (shit, it seems like I say that in nearly every post I put up) but I can't promise myself that I will with most of my down time being spent asleep.

I quit Aaron Brother's Art and Framing because I was only working part time hours but had my same bills, I was falling desperately behind on various payments. I was without a job for a month until I found an awesome temp agency, Venturi Staffing in Addison, that found me an opening at Brandt Affixing, Inc. and I became a permanent employee. I've learned to work in various areas there, the majority of which are terribly boring and dull. But they pay me well enough to do something a ten year old could do. AND I don't have deal with people. Thank god! In August my mother and I went to Albequerque, New Mexico to take an intensive dance weekend with Amaya. It was pretty good, although the level of the other dancers was lower than we expected since Amaya specifically requested experienced dancers only to sign up. I guess one person's money is just as good as another's. It was because of the low level of experience and skill that we didn't learn as much as was planned by Amaya for the weekend, but I still learned some great moves. Plus I was totally inspired when I went back home and spent the next month seeing choreographies in my head to nearly every piece of music I heard. It was great, and I wrote down as many as I could. It was a few months after that that I became unusually inspired to write some poetry. It had been years since I wrote any. I think I may post what I came up with later on. Maybe any readers out there would be interested in commenting on them for me. I started school in the fall- U.S. History and U.S. Government. I dropped the government class because the teacher was so awful. No kidding, she would literally re-write what was in the text book on the board in class and make us repeat, verbatim, what we read for homework. Waste of my time to read the text at home and then have to re-read for three hours a week during class. If I'm wasting my money I don't also need to be wasting my time. Ugh. Ended the semester with an 'A' in my History class. Found out my uncle has throat cancer back in September, then learned it was advanced and had spread to his bones. Since mid-December we keep 'false' calls that he's doing worse. Every time, we think this is it, this is the time he dies but he is so stubborn and so afraid to die, he keeps coming through. Some people may think that is lucky and a blessing, but I can't help but feel differently. But then, I've seen him how he is now.... a 45 year old man who looks more 85. It's not pretty and I feel for my dad and his other siblings; I can't imagine how rough it is for them. But the holidays were good. I got a sewing machine for Christmas I've been dying to set up and use, but I haven't gotten the chance yet. Gar! The House of Hate moved mid-January.... sometimes I feel like I'm driving up to Oklahoma when I come home from work, but it's a much better house than the last one we had. Well, minus the kitchen totally open to the living room. It's impossible to enjoy a show when there is cooking or cleaning going on. Diffusion happened shortly after the move. It went well enough, I suppose. I didn't expect much from it since we didn't give ourselves enough time to plan and advertise, but that's what next year is for. Plus, I knew I would be moving when we set up the date for Diffusion and warned everyone I would be useless.... I don't think the believed me or remembered. *shrug* What can ya do? Not much else has happened since Crazy January. I've had all sorts of stress over all sorts of little things, but that's nothing new. Same old financial woes, same old inability to keep my car fit and up-to-date, same old problems with not enough time.

I guess that was the year in quick review, I guess I'll end this post with one of those poems I mentioned. . . . . *reads* No, not those... too depressing for a return post . . . . egh, too long for a long post . . . . here we go! Short, sweet, and hopeful.

stop the storm
light the lantern
come home to me
© Lori Hilbert-McGaw

Steps Saturday: 9,340. Steps Sunday: 13,190. That's a lot of walking for a Sunday. Work wasn't busy, but I had a bit of stock to put up. Then Dave and I went to Target and then B&N. I bought a book I've been wanting; I read the latest book in a series without knowing it was part of a series. Even though I was mostly lost in the story I enjoyed how it was written so I bought the first book in the series, Outlander by Diana Gabaldon. It's a historical fiction centered on the Scottish Highlands in the 1740s with a bit of sci-fi and romance thrown in. Not something I would consider my cup of tea, but I enjoy the story.

I have actually started my laundry today... I just need to put it in the dryer at this point and then put it up once it's done. I'm trying to shrink my work pants... I think I lost some inches in the weeks between ordering my pants and receiving them, because I can't walk around work without them falling off my ass. While losing a pants size is an awesome thing, it's rather annoying that it had to happen after just spending $50 on work pants. If they don't shrink up I'll have to order another pair and I was hoping to spend my little bit of extra money on some new renn clothes, not work pants. Yay for life and the unexpected?

Dave and I are meeting for lunch shortly... ooo, I need to wrap this up and get dressed... and afterwards I'm planning on trying out my new matt cutter I got at Michael's yesterday. I had a 50% off coupon. Heh, heh, heh. 50% off coupons make me happy, especially when I can use them on something I've been waiting to buy. I find it rather satisfying to buy an item I wanted for half off... it almost feels like I tricked the company, but I know in reality they coerced me into it. That's why they put out the damn things to begin with.

So my boys are at the Faire today... I asked for today off about a month ago so I could also go to Faire, but my manager is an ass. I was really very tempted to call in sick today so I could go out, too. I don't know why, but I really enjoy getting dressed up in costume and walking around the Faire... I guess us geeks are easily amused. I've been saving up to buy a new skirt and a new chemise of some sort and I had planned on buying them today. Looks like I'll just have to wait until Easter Sunday to go out there. I'm missing fresh kettle corn! Mmmmmmmmmm. I love Faire food! And I love watching men dressed in costume, it's almost as good as men in tuxedoes.

Needless to say, I think I'm going to be worthless at work because my mind will not be on any tasks.

I had the last two days off and I did not wear my pedometer at all. I was pretty lazy both days. Thursday I did manage to get out and take some photos, although I did not get any good shots. It was really windy and close up filters don't have the best optics. I have chromatic aberration all over the place in the shots I took. I really need to save up for a macro lens and macro bellows and a ring flash. Then I'll just need a wide angle lens... say, a 20mm, and I'll be set. Yesterday I sat and played Sim City for a few hours. I also called NCSA about the hold on my transcript. It turns out I only had to take an exit interview on the Direct Loans website. I felt rather silly taking the exit interview (a 10 question quiz) because I've been repaying my loan for five effing years now. You'd think they would realize I already know all that stuff since I've been paying off my loan on time and regularly for so long. Stupid. At least now that's done and all I have to do is fill the out the application for CCCC. Already sent in FAFSA, and now that my transcript will be released I'll be all set for fall.... I hope. I can't help but worry that something will happen and I won't be able to go back to school.

Man, I really don't want to go into work. But since I'm not on my way to Faire it would be ridiculous at this point to not go in. Alright enough complaining, I suppose. I'll just go get dressed. I hope at the very least we are busy with customers so the day goes by fast.

I did not wear my pedometer on Monday, and I guarantee I walked no more than a couple thousand steps. I did, at least, do some dancing. I went over to Jenn's to help her teach Jess our cabaret number and Pukaea. Then her sister in law came over and we, hopefully, clarified some things. It was probably difficult with two people there, but I hope she was able to pull something from it.

Yesterday I did wear my pedometer, but I think it got reset while I was moving giant frames. At about one o'clock it said I had only walked 1300 steps and there was no way possible I had walked that few. We weren't as slow business wise as we had been, it was pretty steady. So I have no idea how much I walked yesterday, but I did get a workout from moving around large frames. I was sweaty and covered in dust. Ew, dust. Then I came home, played Sim City and then Rune Bound. I actually hear my Sim City calling to me now. I think I'll go get my camera and take some photos before I settle in. I won't get to play much before I need to take a nap; I'm going into work for a closing shift and then I have to go back for truck tonight. Plus, I requested days off so I could go to Faire, and I got none of them! I'm really bothered by that. I want a fucking weekend day off! I would be nice to see my boyfriend for a change and go enjoy a day down at Scarborough. Arg! I am filled with hate.

If anything else of interest has happened to me, it's slipped my sleepy little brain.

Women Enjoy Humor More
This is an appalling article. 7% percent of people polled said cheating on your spouse is acceptable and 5% said cheating on taxes was acceptable. WTF!!?
Proof Americans are stupid.
Scientists Make Water Run Uphill

I've set my pedometer upstairs and I'm too lazy to get it. I walked somewhere between 5,500 and 6,000 steps. Not very many considering Mom and I did some shopping yesterday. Nothing terribly interesting; I finally purchased black and coloured safety pins for dancing, two cross stitch samplers, and some buttons. Ate out for lunch and dinner yesterday. Black Eyed Pea was lunch and it was good except for the smelly burping afterwards while shopping. Dinner was at El Fenix with Mom, dance group, and guests. We discussed plans and guidelines for a show we're organizing to host. I tell you what, I need some throw away income to be able to put into this. I wish I could find an inexpensive hobby or two.

I work today... thrilling. I would love to stay home, but at least I got this morning off from dancing. Trudi has to do the Faire promoting thing at Grapevine Mills Mall and she had to be there at ten or eleven or something like that, so it wasn't possible for us to rehearse. We'll just have to get on track that much faster next week to teach Jess Pukaea for Dance For the Planet.

*sigh* No more working weekends! Blech.

Steps today: 5,324. I only worked for four hours today; the MOD this evening allowed me to leave work before the store closed. As much as I need the half hour's worth of money, I was too damned bored to hang around any longer. I almost forgot to pick up my paycheck too, but when I got to the street to turn into the neighborhood I remembered and turned around. One must get paid the measly dollars one suffers to earn!

I took a nap before going into work. It's so sad that I slept until 10:30 am and then I couldn't stay awake any longer at 3 pm. Working truck really fucks up my rest. I've felt exhausted all day, even though the truck last night was tiny. We only had 300 pieces. I was so tired, that during my nap I dreamt that I was sleepy. I have never experienced that before! I was slightly amused when I woke up.

I received my divine book of His Holiness today. I will have to confess how disappointed I am with what I received. The title of the book, The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, lead me to believe that this work would have some fake stories on the history of our making, the earth, so on, etc. Like the Bible, or the Koran. My friends and I were looking forward to starting a Masonic Lodge based off the writings of him. But, no. It's just more of the same stuff you can read off of the website. It's written as a fake science book with 'proofs' and 'theories.' I wanted a fake religion book, not a fake science book! I am let down by his Noodle-i-ness. It's still an amusing read, just not what I was hoping for. The world turns on.

Stupid manager, again. He didn't bother to look at the calendar he has posted in the office where folks write down what days they need/want off from work. I penciled myself off for April 8 so I could go to the Faire with my beloved, but I'm scheduled to work that day. I haven't had a weekend off since early January. I'm about ready to lose my control and patience. I keep reminding myself I don't have the luxury to quit because I have bills that can't be late. Next week I'm scheduled for only 28 hours (ouch!!!), so I will try to get my pathetic butt over to some temp agency near by and let them find me a job, since I'm so awful at getting one for myself. Thank god for white zinfandel and soda with rum.

I managed to do something incredibly stupid a few months back. I was pulling my B&W photos off of Scrapbook (LJ's photo hosting side) to par down the size of the photos so I could upload more, when I managed to delete them off my hard drive. (I felt really dumb when I realized how I managed that) So I have all of about 2 B&W photos on my photo gallery. I've been looking for them on my collection of poorly labeled burned CDs so I could re-size them and re-upload them, but I haven't been able to find them yet. That's rather disturbing since I pulled them off of CDs to Scrapbook originally. I thought I had gotten them onto one of my DVD archives, but I guess I was mistaken. As soon as I locate the CDs I'm looking, I'll be making a new DVD archive.

No, I haven't called NCSA yet. I'm building myself up to call on Monday, 'cause that'll be a great way to start the week! Yay.

I've really been feeling the urge to play the piano lately. It makes me want to go to Target and buy a lame Casio keyboard; 'cause a lame one would be better than not one at all. Wanting to practice the piano has me wanting to practice my oboe. I can't seem to get around my self-consciousness to practice while the guys are home, though. I kind of realize they don't really have a comparison to judge me against, but I do. I'm embarrassed to sound bad to myself because I know how good I used to sound. Hell, I have recordings to prove it! I'm thinking about this everyday, so hopefully I'll eventually get over myself enough to begin practicing on my own. The only thing I've loved so wholly and unconditionally, the only thing I've given my total self to was my saviour, was my downfall. And I hope it will save me again.

Steps for Tuesday: 5850.
I didn't record my steps yesterday because I was working in the morning and then the truck at night; I didn't know where to add my steps from the truck too. I do know I didn't walk very much yesterday, although I did finally pull out my rollerblades. I'm not very good at braking. I probably spent ten minutes just in the driveway trying to get used to a heel brake. Every time I use it, I veer off to the right. It's annoying! I haven't figured out how to stay straight while braking yet.

Tuesday was game night. Once again, we started late. I don't think it mattered too much for this past week because there wasn't much for us to role play out before getting to the good stuff. We'll be starting that next week, er, this coming week? Hopefully we'll get some more in depth role playing going on, rather than the surface RP we did so we could get to the main plot. I'm gonna see if I can talk folks into starting while we're still eating.

Didn't do much else yesterday: watched Lost, watched Ghost Hunters, watched a new show on Sci-Fi that sucks, and played Rune Bound with John. Rune Bound was a close game this time. John was pretty well ahead right before End Game, but I managed to position myself to, at first glance, tie up the game once all the giants were defeated. Turned out, he had more XP counters than myself. I wasn't surprised at that, there were a few turns I couldn't get anywhere with the crappy dice I rolled.

I just got an email from NCSA in regaurds to processing my transcript request; they say they can't until I contact the financial aid office because I have a hold with them?! I completely paid them back for the fall 2000 trimester! I remember because it took me forever and it wasn't easy for me to pull together the money... I was working at Toys R Us at the time. I'm sure I recorded all that suck ass drama in my LJ. The only thing I can think of is they think I didn't pay for the semester I tried to return to school. But I never returned. Going part time was incredibly much more expensive than going full time and I didn't have the money for it. So I never paid, never registered for classes, and never attended. *sigh* Why has NCSA always been such a thorn in my side? It's like the universe likes to stab me because I love music so much. At least it's not too bad. After all, that school had the most depressing campus ever. It was only the music program I enjoyed, not the school overall. Anyway, I hope it's nothing and it gets cleared up easily or I can't attend CCCC in the fall, because NCSA will refuse to send my transcript. *yell*

I don't really have any plans for today. I go into work at 5, but I feel pretty sure I'm going to sit around on my butt until then. I'll be using my day off tomorrow to spend it with Mom. I must remember to get my paycheck from work tonight so I can deposit it tomorrow morning.

Seems like I haven't done one in a while. Aren't you lucky you get to see this?!?





What type of Fae are you?

Steps for Monday: 11,050.

I ended up going to work for closing shift yesterday instead of working today. I realized early yesterday morning that I was originally supposed to close tonight, but that would clash with the GOT game we play on Tuesdays. And I so did not want to miss tonight. I have some role playing to do! Wheeeeeeeeee. So a co-worker was kind enough to switch her shift with me; I worked hers yesterday and she'll work mine tonight.

And yes, it's true. Chocolate has miraculous healing powers, or I just had some sort of weird placebo effect without knowing it. I was starting to get really bad cramps late in the afternoon- getting dizzy/light headed, tired, and a really tight lower back thrown on top for fun. I had just enough change in my pocket for some sort food, a taco or a candy bar, and I opted for a candy bar. King size Butterfinger Crisp. Yuuuum. Well, the sugar immediately helped me feel less dizzy and tired. About an hour after I finished the bar, my cramps and back pain were completely gone. Totally gone. Not hidden like with pain killers, where you still can tell you hurt but it's just not registering. I get really bad, strong cramps. Strong enough to cause me to pass out and puke, in that order, and taking 1000 mg of ibuprofen will usually dull the pain enough so I can nap for a few hours. But it has never worked as well as the chocolate did. I think I need to keep more chocolate in the house. You never know...

I've come to the conclusion that some customers try to be stupid on purpose because they think they'll be able to get their way and not have to pay full price for things. We have a four sided gondola at work that has clearance frames on three sides and clearance on the other two (one side is completely empty). Well the two sides that are clearance have signs on those sides only. I had a lady come up to me, hand me a frame and asked how much that frame was. I told her it was the price on the box and she argued back that it was in the clearance section. I thought she had found it in front of our big clearance mish-mash table and I told her I was sorry, but that I couldn't control where other customers left items. She said, no, there's a whole bunch of them. So I followed her, and lo!, she had been looking at the clearance gondola but at the one side that didn't have a sign! Moron. I told her those were regular price. I pointed out to her one, there was no sign advertising that side is clearance and two, the clearance sign clearly says: "Priced as marked." (I added the italics) DUH! I wanted to slap her. Wasting my time like that. If you're too cheap to pay full price, then just don't fucking buy it! Easy!

I sent in some resumes for data entry clerk positions and filing clerk positions. I'm keeping my fingers crossed. I'm sure data entry sucks, typing all day will probably aggravate my wrist, but at least I am not forced to interact with people. I would much prefer the filing clerk position. It's with one of the thousand medical centers here in Plano. Pray to the mighty FSM I'll get that job.

I got some free mat scrap from work yesterday. My thought is to mat some of my photography using scrap, so I don't have to pay for it, cut my own mats, frame them in really cheap, but not cheap looking, frames and sell my artwork for a bit of extra money. Probably a long shot, and I need to find a suitable place to sell. I probably can't get anything on auction sites. Just a thought and since I'm using trashed mats, it won't cost me very much to do. If they don't sell, I can give them for gifts as that's about how much I would spend on the frames.

That seems to cover everything that has been going on and everything I wanted to write about. Other than the weather has turned cool again. This is spring, not autumn. The weather should be turning warm, not cool. Crazy Texas weather.

Today, March 28 is the most holiest of days. Our prophet has decreed this day as a day of rest, a day of pasta contemplation, a day where we no longer hide our pirate-y ways. We must honour the midgets and the trees and the mountains. No food other than noodley goodness must pass between our lips on this day, as we finally see His word written down on paper for the first time. Yes, that's right! The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster is finally released to the public! You need one to learn the stringy truth so you can bring saucy light to the uneducated masses.

Have you heard the good news today? He is Risen!!!

Steps today: 13,600. Don't worry, I counter-acted the extra steps today by eating Blue Bell ice cream with Magic Shell topping. Mmmmmmmmmm. It was worth the extra steps!

Work was not much of anything. Not many customers, not many tasks needed to get completed. Finished numerically ordering mat scraps of pieces already cut down to size for re-use. There is still a box remaining that needs to get cut down, matched with the correct item number and then organized. Yay.

As much as my manager annoys me as a manager, it's good to know he is a decent man and human being. He's filing for divorce from his wife and is applying to get custody of his son because she's a loser, basically. Even now while they're separated, he's still paying all her bills, and his own, and taking care of his kid most of the time. I really like knowing that there are some men in the world who aren't total jackasses, even if they do behave that way at work. I hope he is able to get custody of his son, he really conveyed to me today how much he wanted he wanted his son with him and not with her.

Ummmm.... brain fart. I was about to write something else, but the bottle of white zinfandel has addled my brain. I have tomorrow off from work, yay! Faire is coming up, yay! There are some clothing pieces I'm looking forward to purchasing from Moresca and the Frock Shop.

Ah-ha! The zinfandel loses. This morning off of one of my LJ communities there was a link to a synesthesia website that just opened for us freaks to record our sense associations. I scored as a synesthesia on all but one test- where they put up the alpha numerics with colours I had picked mixed with alpha numerics with colours I didn't pick and I had to click the 'It matched' or 'It didn't match' buttons. There were a few times I clicked the wrong button because the buttons weren't in the order I would have put them. One thing I was disappointed with the tests is that there was no way to take into account that one may have different levels of colours, for instance, for one particular letter or number. For me, the latter letters in the alphabet are much more complex than the other characters. 'X' and 'Y' are both colorless at first, but upon closer inspection separate out into different colours: a dark purple and brown/grey, respectively. Kind of like black ink on a tissue that got wet, you'll see purple and green and sometimes a red. Or maybe more like glancing through frosted acrylic that seems colorless but has colour right behind it when you actually look at it. Anyway, looking at the tables from the colours I had to choose for the characters, they are all pretty close. I didn't take the time to try and match every colour exactly, either. I got close enough and that was good enough for me. Would that be lazy synesthesia? *giggle*

In case you're interested, ( here are my associations. )



I was going to do stuff tomorrow, but I am totally wimping out. I'll probably just sit in front of the computer all day even though there are a hundred other things I need and I want to get done. Go Lori and her lack of motivation! Don't I just rule.

Steps for Friday: 4200-ish
Steps for Saturday: 9100-ish

Nothing much is going on. We had dance yesterday morning; we're teaching Jess Pukaea for Dance for the Planet at the end of April. My schedule for work sucks this week. I work Tuesday 1p-9:30p, Wednesday 9:30a-3p, Thursday 1a-to when the truck is done, Thursday 5p-9:30p and then Friday off. There's nothing quite like going to work every twelve hours for four shifts, especially when it's four shifts in three days. I'm going to be tired and cranky. At least it's a full week of hours, I suppose. Bills don't disappear because your manager doesn't know how to write a decent schedule.

Really, if anyone hears of a job opening please let me know. It would be great to have a job and a life again.

Yay for the beautiful weather yesterday.

Steps on Wednesday: 8,221. I could have taken more steps at work, we were really slow, or even had gone for a walk once I got home. I only worked for six hours yesterday and I'm only working another six today. Even though business was slow yesterday I didn't get much work done. There were just enough customers coming in and calling that we were running around, but they weren't buying anything. They were just wrecking the store and leaving, and I spent a good part of the day putting up stock taken down instead up just putting up our new stock.

I really am hating the cold weather.

I just got an email from Buick GM here in Plano, they one about two minutes away from the house. They saw my resume on Careerbuilder.com and are inviting me to an interview next week for a sales position. I hate sales, I hate selling to people, and I'd probably have to buy dress suits for this job to wear everyday. And dress shoes, yuck! But I've always been under the impression that car salesmen make good money. I don't know what to do. I'm thinking I should go to the interview and maybe try the job out on a part-time basis, that way I can keep working at Aaron Brothers and I won't be left hanging if I decide to quit because I absolutely hate selling cars. I welcome suggestions and advice!

Yes, I did get some laundry done last night. A load is washed and dried. So plan this afternoon is to finish the second load and put it all away. Other than that I'll probably sit my happy butt in front of the TV all night like I did yesterday. I have tomorrow off with nothing pressing that needs to be done. I'll probably send off some more resumes. Oh! I need to remember to send my taxes and transcript request off into the mail. I've got them filled out with the checks, I just keep forgetting to put a stamp on them and put them in the mailbox. I'll have to remember to do that tomorrow.

Time to eat breakfast before work.

Check out one of my nifty new icons I can have.... THANK YOU LIVEJOURNAL!

Steps for Monday: 5356. It was my day off from work. I managed to do more walking on a non-work day than some people get in on a work day! That's sad. We welcomed spring in with a circle at Jenn's lead by Lisha on Monday. Did the normal stuff: opening, writing and burning, eating and drinking. We also did eggs over the chakras to absorb negative energies. I've never believed about chakras*, but rainbows are always pretty, yet when Lisha started on me at my feet, something tickled! That was pretty crazy. I could not stop laughing for the life of me until she was nearly done... just at the head and crown is when I managed to calm down. Went by too fast and she didn't do my shoulders and arms like I requested. I'm thinking we're gonna do eggs from now on in circles. I bet Holly would enjoy it. I felt much better afterwards, and today was great. I felt really good, calmed, and centered.

*I'm a bad, bad pagan. I don't believe in most things, I don't believe about most things. I am very much skeptical and suspicious and incredulous about spiritual topics.

Welcome Spring!

I did manage to work on my room yesterday. I didn't get all the laundry put away, but I got most of it. There's only one load of clothes and towels that need to get done, and I should be able to do that tomorrow after work. I wanted to try out my new roller blades but as usual, I wimped out due to the cold. Lori hates cold.

Steps today: 10,944. Ooooo, almost hit eleven thousand. I bet I could have if I had taken Lacy for a walk today, or if I had walked around the store more before going home. Didn't take Lacy out because... can anyone guess? Because it was cold. I don't like the cold!

Work was pretty slow today so I actually got to complete tasks. I forgot how nice it is to have physical evidence that you worked! Just helping customers all day is not rewarding at all. You have nothing to show that you accomplished anything at the end of the day, and I like to feel like I've done something when it's all over. Perhaps that is the biggest reason I'm so unhappy in retail. There's not a lot of chances to feel pride in your work because most of your energy goes into work that is intangible and immeasurable. So with no proof you've done anything all day and dealing with ignorant customers who like to berate you for no damn reason, it's really hard to stay positive and focused about, well, anything.

It's been a while since I've worked the open shifts at work and I much prefer them to closing shifts. The day seems to go by much faster; it could be because you can see the angle of the sunlight changing. Night is just... night. Dark is dark, there isn't a difference between six o'clock dark (I've only worked this job during winter, mind you) and nine o'clock dark. Everyday I work, until Saturday, is an opening shift. Thank goodness! And no truck this week, although it may or may not be my turn again for next week. And I don't go in on Saturday until 5! Yay, we may be able to get extra stuff accomplished at dance this week. We're supposed to be bringing cabaret outfits and see who can wear what and how Pukaea looks in sequins and fringe.

I sent in a few resumes in over the weekend. The one I was really hoping to hear back from, Mosaic, hasn't called me yet. And before you people start pestering me about calling them, there wasn't a contact number to call. So don't bother irritating me.

We finally got to play Game of Thrones. John just 'had' to fly out to Vegas for work so we missed last week. I enjoyed the little bit we did and I'm looking forward to future nights... I'm hoping I can get my character to fuck up the GM's, er, important NPCs' plans. Heh, heh, heh. Probably won't succeed, since Laura wasn't able to weasel what she wanted out of her main House. But there is still time, oh yes, there is still time to throw kinks into the works!

Paid account users on LJ now have an extra 30 userpics! The little things in life make me happy. I uploaded all the pics I have that I really like and I haven't even filled in half my allotment. I need to go LJcon hunting... make some of my own from my photos, even.

Steps for Sunday: 10,035. Honestly, it doesn't seem as though I walk around that much at work. Especially yesterday. We had an unusually slow Sunday because of all the rain. So I'm walking four to five miles a day just by working. I don't know if I should be happy I'm getting exercise or remain bitter because it's retail.

Speaking of the rain, because I was at work the past two days I had no idea that Dallas, Grand Prairie, Richardson, Garland and Fort Worth got so much rain! Richardson and Garland were up to almost 10" at the news cast. Here in Plano, by last night's count, we topped out under 5". I thought the rain was unusually long and heavy but I had no idea there were pieces of the cities under water. Suck!

I got happy news this morning... We're celebrating the equinox! *squeeee* I need to figure out what I want to bring...

My plan for today is to work on my room. Once that is cleaned up (read: put away laundry for change. I really want new dressers from Ikea) I can clean out my poor car. My car is a disaster area and I hate driving around when it's so cluttered. But then, I'm not really that big on driving around.

*sigh* It seems I'm never going to get my car in for an oil change and state inspection. If I get the merchandising position with Mosaic, that will help bring me more money... I hope. It is a job where I will be traveling around, so hopefully the money I make for the job is more than what I'll be spending on gas. I really need to find a way to sell my photography. I've seen some of the crap that is for sale as posters in stores, and my shots are better. I need to find me a sales person since I don't deal well with people.

We played Rune Bound again last night. Yes, we're addicts. We also had chocolate cookies. I put peanut butter on top one of mine and that was pretty tasty.

Steps today: 11,108. It seemed like I walked less today than yesterday but I was obviously wrong. Most of those steps were taken at work because we didn't do any dancing at dance this morning. Wow, that seems like a whole other day ago. We discussed various dance events we could perform at, what pieces we want to work on next, and our own event we will be hosting in January. It's going to be a night of dance... based on the idea of an inappropriate hafla, only it's not a hafla. We're requiring taped submissions be sent in before folks are allowed to perform. It's going to be a butt load of work, especially with the other dance things going on and each of our personal lives. It's weird that work gets in the way of me being able to attend dance events yet at the same time I don't make enough money to attend many events. It's the worst of both worlds!

I've been wondering for the past month how I've been able to maintain my weight loss from before I got the flu, and now that I have a pedometer I know why. If I'm walking around 10,000 steps everyday just at work, that's all I need. I need to get back following the Weight Watchers points so I can start losing weight again. Twenty more pounds will put me back at my low average and that will be good enough for me!

Work wasn't too bad today. I worked with some customers that really appreciated the effort I put into helping them and they thanked me. That always makes the day more tolerable.

The boys are waiting for me so we can play our Crack Rune Bound board game.